The “Me Too” Trap: Learning to Truly Listen

Growth is an interesting journey. It’s layered, sometimes quiet, often uncomfortable—but always enlightening. One of the more subtle but transformative lessons I’ve learned recently is this: beware the “Me Too” trap.

You know the moment. Someone is sharing a story—an experience, a struggle, a joy—and just as they begin to open up, your mind rushes to say, “That happened to me too!” Maybe it’s a similar trip, a loss, a win, a funny memory. Instantly, your brain finds the matching file and queues up your own version of the story.

At first, it feels like connection. Like you're bonding. Like you’re validating the person by relating to them. And sometimes, that’s exactly what it is. But too often—at least for me—it’s not connection. It’s distraction.

When I operate from the “me too” mindset, I’m not really listening. I’m waiting for a pause so I can speak. I’m focused on what I want to say, not what they are trying to express. My intention might be good, but the effect is subtle disconnection. I rob myself of the opportunity to understand someone else’s world. I reduce their experience to a comparison. I interrupt their story with my own.

And here's the part that stings the most: people can feel it. When we don’t truly listen, the other person walks away feeling unheard, unseen, maybe even a little smaller.

That realization was a tough one for me. But it changed how I show up in conversations. Now, when that familiar “me too” voice rises in my mind, I notice it. I smile at it—not with judgment, but with awareness. I gently set it aside and return to the present moment. I remind myself: This is not about me. This is about holding space.

And the shift is powerful. Suddenly, I’m not just hearing stories—I’m absorbing them. I’m learning from the way people process life, the way they find meaning, the way they survive or celebrate. I’m learning to listen without needing to insert myself. To be present without performing. To let their story stand, without needing to mirror it.

In doing that, I’ve found richer connections. I’ve felt people open up more. I’ve walked away with new perspectives, deeper empathy, and a lot more peace.

So if you’re anything like me—someone who means well but sometimes listens with half an ear—I invite you to try this: the next time someone shares something with you, resist the urge to say “Me too.” Just for a moment. Sit with their words. Let their story breathe. Trust that your silence isn’t emptiness—it’s presence.

And in that stillness, you might just hear something beautiful.♥️

Dee🫂