Dear Mum, I Get It Now!

All you said I’d understand when I grow up  I get it now.

I used to think you worried too much, talked too much, prayed too loud, and loved too hard.

Now I see it was never too much. It was the exact amount needed to hold a family together.

I get it now 

Why you stayed up till everyone else was asleep…

Why you saved the last piece of meat and said you weren’t hungry…

Why your hugs were sometimes tight like they were holding in a storm…

Why your silence was sometimes louder than your words.

I remember the way your eyes scanned the room like a radar 

Always knowing who was off balance, who needed a word, who needed food.

You were a doctor without a degree,

A chef with no recipe book,

A therapist with no couch,

A warrior with no applause.

You gave grace before I even knew what the word meant.

You forgave offenses I didn’t even know I committed.

You bore burdens we never saw 

And still showed up smiling, serving, soothing.

Mum, I used to roll my eyes when you said,

"One day, you’ll understand."

I rolled them hard.

But here I am 

Looking at life from your lens now.

Paying bills.

Juggling emotions.

Holding space for others while holding back tears.

Now I get why your voice cracked when you prayed.

Why you always asked if I had eaten.

Why you were obsessed with my friends, my clothes, my choices.

It was never control.

It was love in its fiercest, most faithful form.

I see your scars now 

The invisible ones.

And I honour them.

I see your sacrifices 

The ones you never named.

And I thank you for them.

This is my grown-up thank you.

The kind that aches and smiles at the same time.

The kind that remembers the weight you carried just to make sure we could soar.

Dear Mum,

I get it now.

And I love you more deeply because of it.

Dee🥰